In the future we'll all be gay
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
