His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
