put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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