Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
