I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Come share oat with me in your robe
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
