benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
