I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
