Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
