Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
