I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
