When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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