I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
