Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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