a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
