i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
