Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
