Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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