would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
