Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
