we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
