No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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