So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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