An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
