what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
