Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
