I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
