He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
