Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
