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I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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