honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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