um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
