you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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