for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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