I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
