I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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