How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
