I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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