I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
