Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
