my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
