Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
