im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
