my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my sisters under your porch take her home
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
