I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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