So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
