He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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