end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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