We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize