god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
