yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
