i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
