Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize