you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
