I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
