would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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