It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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