and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
