I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
