Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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