mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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