dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
