im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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