If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
