i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
