I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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