Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
