wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
