Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
