she was so not down for the gang bang
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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