is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
