dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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