Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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