Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
