im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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