It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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