I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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