I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So apparently I’m into choking now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
