Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
