Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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