the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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