So drunk its hurt
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
