your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
