oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
