I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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