she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
