Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
