just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
