I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
