Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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