I hate your face
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
